you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I will pee on everything he values.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
