dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
