...so i touched it.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
