Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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