It's a beautiful day for a hangover
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Randomize
