Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Randomize
