I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
She even gives head with a lisp.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
