WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
