wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
