It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
