I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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