Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
