And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
