i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
