i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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