i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
