Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Randomize
