just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
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