My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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