Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Randomize
