I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
