She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
