if you like me you must not know who I am
This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
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