It's Friday. Sex?
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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