therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
My cat gives me a boner
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
