Umm I'm too high to move.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
