He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
