I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
