sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
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