I wish I could punch you in the face.
I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
