I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
