i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
