So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
