Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Randomize
