So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Randomize
