I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
