she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Randomize
