put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
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