What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
