I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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