P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Randomize
