I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
