he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I'm like, not good at living.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
