I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
