Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
