Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
