He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
