and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
