she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Randomize
