I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
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