I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Randomize
