My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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