allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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